Hallmark has got to have a card for this
So, I'm dropping a couple of books in the library book-return bin, and this dude walks by, turns his head over his shoulder, and calls me a fag.
I felt bad, because I guess I forgot it was Give Random Offense Day, and I didn't get him a card. Sorry, random homophobe.
The episode made me kinda nostalgiac for junior high. Go, Culver!
***
Last night in my dreams I was attacked by a giant carp in the garden of a Japanese restaurant. It had shot out of its pond like a torpedo, come up on land, and crawled on its belly toward me. "Pick it up by its arms and throw it back in," a busboy kept screaming at me. It had a human face, too, and not a pretty one. Looked a bit likeEdward C. Robinson.
***
When you finally get to this big scene you've been bulding to for more than 200 pages, and the character stands up in dramatic fashion to say the big thing that will make the reader go "oooooh" and "aaaaaah" and possibly "yeeeeeeee," and instead she just stands there with her mouth shut like a head in the deerlights, do you
A. Stop writing until you come up with the perfect bit of "yeeeee" dialog.
B. Rip apart everything you've written so far and restructure it such that you never have to come up with the perfect bit of "yeeeee" dialog.
C. Make the character say something, anything, even if it's just a recitation of a lentil soup recipe.
I think I know the right answer for this one.
She rose to her feet, her cloak billowing like a column of smoke, and in a voice as cold as the Arctic wind said, "In a large casserole dish, saute ingredients until onions are transparent."
***
Testing for blue belt tonight. I am so going to muff my flying tiger form. They keep telling us how important it is to embody the spirit of a tiger when doing the form. But my ideal of a tiger is Tigger, and my tail just isn't that bouncy.
I felt bad, because I guess I forgot it was Give Random Offense Day, and I didn't get him a card. Sorry, random homophobe.
The episode made me kinda nostalgiac for junior high. Go, Culver!
***
Last night in my dreams I was attacked by a giant carp in the garden of a Japanese restaurant. It had shot out of its pond like a torpedo, come up on land, and crawled on its belly toward me. "Pick it up by its arms and throw it back in," a busboy kept screaming at me. It had a human face, too, and not a pretty one. Looked a bit likeEdward C. Robinson.
***
When you finally get to this big scene you've been bulding to for more than 200 pages, and the character stands up in dramatic fashion to say the big thing that will make the reader go "oooooh" and "aaaaaah" and possibly "yeeeeeeee," and instead she just stands there with her mouth shut like a head in the deerlights, do you
A. Stop writing until you come up with the perfect bit of "yeeeee" dialog.
B. Rip apart everything you've written so far and restructure it such that you never have to come up with the perfect bit of "yeeeee" dialog.
C. Make the character say something, anything, even if it's just a recitation of a lentil soup recipe.
I think I know the right answer for this one.
She rose to her feet, her cloak billowing like a column of smoke, and in a voice as cold as the Arctic wind said, "In a large casserole dish, saute ingredients until onions are transparent."
***
Testing for blue belt tonight. I am so going to muff my flying tiger form. They keep telling us how important it is to embody the spirit of a tiger when doing the form. But my ideal of a tiger is Tigger, and my tail just isn't that bouncy.
9 Comments:
That's...well...beyond weird. If you're a fag for dropping books off at the library, what am I for working at one?
Good luck tonight.
John Klima
By The Editor, at Thu Jun 22, 10:20:00 AM MST
Did you drop the books spine first or spine last? That would provide the reference required to judge whether or not the a-hole should have uttered anything at all.
By Michael van Eekhout, at Thu Jun 22, 11:09:00 AM MST
Dude, this entry makes me miss you so much.
(Also, I am sooo lucky to live in a place where 85% of the train has their nose in a book on my daily commute. And where "fag" is usually just a loving jest between friends who are actually gay.)
By Heather Shaw, at Thu Jun 22, 12:32:00 PM MST
T-I-double grrr!
Good luck with the test!
By SarahP, at Thu Jun 22, 02:31:00 PM MST
As a way to promote literacy, I guess the Reading Is Totally Gay campaign leaves a bit to be desired.
Thanks for the good lucks!
(And I miss you, too, Heather. WorldCon, yeah?)
By Greg van Eekhout, at Thu Jun 22, 02:47:00 PM MST
Maybe your character should scream, "Pick it up by its arms and throw it back in!"
Or maybe you can check back in with your next dream....
Hang in there. Your tail is bouncier than you give it credit for.
law
By law, at Thu Jun 22, 04:49:00 PM MST
Good luck, Greg! You're grrrrrrrrrrr-eat! Bring out the tiger!
By Rob Vagle, at Thu Jun 22, 07:38:00 PM MST
You'll do great on the belt test, I have no doubt. As for the doofus, did he have a British accent? Maybe he was hoping for a cigarette.
By Jon Hansen, at Fri Jun 23, 08:52:00 AM MST
I always type something... anything. So as to keep the momentum going. Then again as a comedy writer I am firmly rooted in steam of consciousness writing. If I have to think about it it ain't gonna be funny.
Later, I come back and replace it with something better, but ONLY if it comes to me at that exact same spot during a real-time re-read.
What, too on-topic?
You want maybe I crack wise about the homophobe? Are you sure it wasn't Sen. McCain? Maybe he was embarrassed about being caught returning his "How to be a Liberal" reference books.
By Pat., at Fri Jun 23, 12:15:00 PM MST
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